任何強(qiáng)權(quán)的背后，都是壓抑人性的悲劇的結(jié)合體，社會(huì)賦予了太多超過性別的意義所在。其實(shí)，男人和女人之外，其實(shí)最重要的，是我們都是人類之中的一員，我們都有權(quán)利做自己希望做的樣子。

在看這部片子以前，我一直以為男人既然占有社會(huì)的主導(dǎo)地位，他們應(yīng)該比我們女人更好過一點(diǎn)，可現(xiàn)如今我終于明白，沒有人能逃脫，悲劇，是每個(gè)人的。我們能做的，是通過我們一代人又一代人的努力，有一天，我們每一個(gè)人都是平等的，性別、膚色、高矮、外表、職業(yè)等等，每一個(gè)人都能得到社會(huì)的尊重，能被看到，被聽到，而不是被忽略掉。

社會(huì)賦予性別的意義太多太多了，男人應(yīng)該怎么怎么樣，女人應(yīng)該怎么怎么樣，可是這些沒有應(yīng)該的吧，每個(gè)人都是特別的，又如何相同，又如何定義。我們的文化，不僅教導(dǎo)女孩們物化自己，輕視自己，也在教導(dǎo)男孩們不尊重女孩，物化女孩，所以造就了社會(huì)如今的樣貌，一代又一代的悲劇。但是，只要看到了，發(fā)現(xiàn)了，世界就一定可以慢慢被改變，傷口就一定可以慢慢被愈合。這樣的價(jià)值觀，其實(shí)和我們文化里勸人為善是相違背的，這才是最大的矛盾。我在想，其實(shí)人類社會(huì)的種種悲劇，都是由此引起，我們必須去挖掘出來！

我始終認(rèn)為，當(dāng)一個(gè)人學(xué)會(huì)去尊重自己，愛自己以后，才能真正學(xué)會(huì)尊重別人，愛別人。愛是融合的，不是割裂的，不是我除了你這個(gè)人我什么都不愛，恰恰相反，我愛你，同樣我也愛這個(gè)世界，可能是物品，可能是事業(yè)，可能是寵物，但內(nèi)心的愛一定是相通的，給我們以溫暖以及自由。

希望有一天，大家都可以放下面具，真正去做自己。生而為人，請(qǐng)善良，請(qǐng)不要隨意評(píng)判別人，請(qǐng)好好愛自己，愛別人，愛世界?。。?/p>

這部紀(jì)錄片主要是美國(guó)學(xué)者談?wù)撁绹?guó)現(xiàn)行文化對(duì)男性內(nèi)心感受缺乏關(guān)照的問題。

影片中有個(gè)讓我感慨的片段：輔導(dǎo)員發(fā)給每個(gè)在場(chǎng)的男學(xué)生一張紙做的面具，并讓學(xué)生在面具的正面寫上他們想讓別人看到的自己，背面寫上他們內(nèi)心中真實(shí)的自己。學(xué)生給出的答案都呈現(xiàn)出表里的反差，表面陽光卻心藏陰影。

正面：幽默、快樂、有趣、外向、

背面：憤怒、害怕、痛苦、孤獨(dú)、

輔導(dǎo)員&一名參與活動(dòng)的男學(xué)生

堅(jiān)強(qiáng)不哭的人有他非凡的意義：危難的時(shí)候他們的存在關(guān)乎眾人的生死存亡。當(dāng)然需不需要把所有的男性都培養(yǎng)成為堅(jiān)強(qiáng)不哭的人，這個(gè)時(shí)代或許有它新的答案。

堅(jiān)強(qiáng)有擔(dān)當(dāng)固然可敬，可是以錯(cuò)誤的方式將一個(gè)男孩培養(yǎng)成一種暴力、吸煙、喝酒、不負(fù)責(zé)任的、狹隘的男人，真是不幸?？墒窃谝恍┤后w的觀念當(dāng)中，仿佛暴力、抽煙、喝酒、不負(fù)責(zé)任、狹隘都比天真、軟弱、敏感的男人要好。

哎。

有一種觀念、邏輯是：虐待、羞辱一個(gè)男孩，能激勵(lì)他反抗，變強(qiáng)，最終變成一個(gè)強(qiáng)大的男人。的確，有的男孩為了得到他父親的認(rèn)可，經(jīng)歷痛苦的童年和青年，后來變得很強(qiáng)大。當(dāng)然，也有的男孩由于童年經(jīng)歷，心里積累下難以化解的悲哀、仇恨、痛苦。

時(shí)代變了，像其他領(lǐng)域的分工一樣，不用所有男性都打仗；職業(yè)化的、專業(yè)化的一部分男性和女性就可以滿足全社會(huì)的防衛(wèi)、進(jìn)攻、救援等需求。剩下的人口可以按照性格特點(diǎn)從事其他對(duì)社會(huì)有益的事業(yè)，比如：文化教育、設(shè)計(jì)、醫(yī)護(hù)、演藝、創(chuàng)作等等。

有學(xué)者說：男孩總是以他的父親為標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，來衡量自己的男性氣質(zhì)

男孩子需要友誼、陪伴、諒解、愛、情感的表達(dá)、安慰、溫暖。

我們需要如何培養(yǎng)男孩女孩，把他們培養(yǎng)成怎樣的男人女人

這是一個(gè)男人視角的世界。

①“中立教育”很難存在，我們所處的大環(huán)境在向兩極化發(fā)展。有些“標(biāo)簽”是社會(huì)的認(rèn)知障礙。

②如果沒有干預(yù)，受傷的男孩兒會(huì)成為受傷的父親。

③合群是最大的不合群，“偽合群”比“合群”更可怕。那些認(rèn)識(shí)到自己“不一樣”的孩子心智更加成熟。

④對(duì)扎臟辮的男老師由衷欽佩，看似簡(jiǎn)單的紙團(tuán)游戲展示出“面具”后的真實(shí)，讓男孩發(fā)現(xiàn)與自己同樣境地的同伴，從而審視自己。為孩子們能遇到這樣好老師而慶幸。

⑤對(duì)那位舉例唱歌的父親印象深刻。

⑥我們現(xiàn)在能做的是回憶我們所經(jīng)歷的，并想象為什么我們的經(jīng)歷會(huì)被經(jīng)歷。避免或阻止未來可能出現(xiàn)的悲劇。

⑦快結(jié)尾的白衣少年說他學(xué)會(huì)了自省，學(xué)會(huì)了分享。那位犯人說他覺得自己有三米高，覺得自己有價(jià)值、有權(quán)被愛、找到了歸屬感，感知到完整的自己...... 這兩點(diǎn)非常觸動(dòng)。 【Everyone deserves to feel whole. And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boy in our lives.】

不要急著成為更好的自己，而要先找到完整的自己。

這可能是改變我的人生的紀(jì)錄片。

2020.11.22 0:23

He wears a mask,and his face grows to fit it.--George Orwell

We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity,so we make them go prove it all the time.

The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability.Size,strength,or some kind of skill set.Those boys that can catch a down and out,or hit the hanging curve,are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life,because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground,they don't just want to play sports,they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.

Second lie every boy learns,is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know,it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness,so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions,there's always going to be someone that has more,that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.

Then the third criteria is that as a culture,we associate sexual conquest with masculinity.Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanizing.Those words are designed to keep boys silent,to keep them conforming to the construct.

There's a dominance hierarchy,there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings,girls,who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism,it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality,the gay man,becomes the most stigmatized version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids,is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way,you maybe bully him,but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.

We recognize more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal,but we imagine that that will be female adolescence,because of the way we define depression,more removed,more quiet,not responding.What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed,is actually the opposite.Boys are more likely to act out,they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people.But most people see it as a conduct disorder,or just the bad kid...and what happens?Before they see the other signs of depression,which will come in adolescent males just as females,that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.

We have a rape culture.What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp,they're being produced by our culture.

We live in a world,right here in our country,where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.

I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup".We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human.So we set them up,we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level,and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.

One of the things that has provoked so much anger in American Society today,is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power,but that I was entitled to be.

The father wound is any on-going psychological,emotional deficit or injury that would have been met in a healthy relationship.So the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country.Wounding boys become wounding men apart from some kind of intervention.In my own healing process,I took myself as an adult man and myself as a five-year old boy,and I walked both of them back down my mother's basement steps and there I confronted my father.Five-year old boys are supposed to be loved,they're supposed to be tucked in at night.It's an amazing thing when I did that work,because it was the first time I ever had empathy for my own father.I started to think about who hurt him in a way that he would be so angry as he was?I think every man's journey is how do you reconnect that heart to the head.To start living out of the authentic you.

Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.

Many of us are operating,from a place of tradition,just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.

We need to redefine strength in men,not as the power over other people,but as forces for justice,and justice means equality and fairness,and working against poverty,and working against,you know,inequality and violence.That's strength.And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out,even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture,and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable.Because this is about leadership.

Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people,these are not just feminine traits or behavior patterns,these are human patterns.

Take the challenge.

Exert your influence.

We all have a role to play in creating a healthier culture.

當(dāng)我們談?wù)撆畽?quán)主義時(shí)，我們不可避免地會(huì)談到那些給予女性壓迫的男性。但是是什么使他們從一個(gè)純真的孩子走向那樣一個(gè)男性的形象呢？ 男孩從小就被告訴be a man，be tough，be strong，be silent，于此相對(duì)的是don't be girlish，don't cry… 影片中所引用的例子來自美國(guó)，或許看起來more sharp than 中國(guó)的情況，但其中還是有很多共性的問題，比如說把男孩和女孩分得太開。 從兒時(shí)起，仿佛藍(lán)色就代表男孩，粉色就代表女孩。Boys' stuff are always blue，while girls' are always pink。這就好像人為挖了一條深深的溝渠將兩者區(qū)分開。喜歡藍(lán)色對(duì)于女孩來說或許并沒有什么，但喜歡粉色的男孩可能就會(huì)被認(rèn)為奇怪。 但其實(shí)不論男孩還是女孩都首先是一名人類，而人類有喜歡任何顏色的自由，同時(shí)有擁有各種情感的自由，也有表達(dá)自我情感的自由… 所以在我看來女權(quán)主義的背后也是無數(shù)個(gè)被壓抑，被糟糕對(duì)待，被迫帶上面具的男性，而或許它們的本源在于社會(huì)文化環(huán)境對(duì)性別的刻板刻畫。 雖然意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)在短時(shí)間內(nèi)或許不能改變什么，但反抗與改變的前提是我們至少要意識(shí)到。

看完的最大感受是 男生也是會(huì)脆弱的 而且那種要求他們只能強(qiáng)勢(shì)的要求，導(dǎo)致他們無法表達(dá)內(nèi)心的感受和求助，更容易走向極端 暴力色情電子游戲，色情鏈接，性侵，都產(chǎn)生消極的影響 而我想這不僅僅是美國(guó)的現(xiàn)象 男孩子高中和初中仿佛一夜長(zhǎng)大一夜沉默 然而美國(guó)的年輕人如此沉溺于酒精大麻 無意義放蕩 不禁讓我懷疑這是否會(huì)毀了一代人 和我以往的認(rèn)識(shí)似乎不一樣 我以為中國(guó)年輕人的創(chuàng)造力是被應(yīng)試教育所磨滅 但不那么嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)苛刻的教育在美國(guó)高中竟然會(huì)這副樣子 當(dāng)然紀(jì)錄片樣本量也許不夠大 不能覆蓋所有類別的高中 但他們的娛樂方式 確實(shí)有點(diǎn)…過于放任 而且無意義的意思是 也許每個(gè)高中生都掙扎 中國(guó)的是以成績(jī)唯一論 美國(guó)是用酒精等麻痹神經(jīng) 成長(zhǎng)的寂寞傷痛都用另一種方式去掩蓋 而我也從另一個(gè)層面理解導(dǎo)致暴力的原因 片面的理解男子漢氣概 受到不良媒體文化的影響 對(duì)女性和關(guān)系的錯(cuò)誤認(rèn)識(shí) 青年時(shí)代對(duì)于男性理解導(dǎo)致的校園暴力 害怕被群體里的人拋棄而放棄阻止暴力 童年時(shí)遭受過暴力 和父母的關(guān)系 最后影片也強(qiáng)調(diào)了人的完整

片尾

無意中碼住的一部紀(jì)錄片 題材很有意義

其中某些人物的講述 也能夠使我產(chǎn)生共情

片中提到的許多觀點(diǎn)恰恰也讓我想起了自己在探索這一問題時(shí)的心路歷程

教授的分析具有一定深度

令我最印象深刻的是對(duì)父親形象缺失的介紹 這也給了我時(shí)常會(huì)思考的問題一個(gè)更清晰的答案

片中花大量篇幅講述了校園暴力行為與性別刻板印象的聯(lián)系

不知該感謝自己身邊的同學(xué)還是感謝自己早早思考人生懂得了如何保護(hù)自己 慶幸自己不曾因stereotype受到過校園霸凌

最后想說從影片來看 雖然通過了同性婚姻法案 誕生了許多女強(qiáng)人 美國(guó)的男女平等并沒有天朝做得好 可能是以不同于傳統(tǒng)觀念束縛的方式受到壓迫

美國(guó)暴力文化也一直使我不敢茍同 但我現(xiàn)在起碼知其原因

總體來說片子干貨很多 值得一看

最后希望自己能夠一直忠于本心

被世界溫柔以待